Burning Barriers (Barriers Series Book 3) Read online

  While sitting here on Jake’s soft dark brown leather sofa, I’m trying to figure out how he convinced me to come back to his house with him after dinner. The cathedral ceiling seems larger than I remember as my eyes soak in the vast stone fireplace. Even with its incredible size, it doesn’t make the room feel any smaller. The light gray stones appear to continue forever through the ceiling. A massive flat screen television is mounted above a copper mantle on the fireplace, and the large picture windows behind me allow the last of the evening light to glow upon the rocks.

  As I wait for Jake to grab beers from the basement bar, I stand and wiggle my bare feet on the soft fur of the bearskin rug beneath me. Blisters threatened to ruin my night with those cowgirl boots a couple of hours ago. Once Jake and I left the restaurant, I tossed the boots back at my house and changed into my flip-flops before Jake brought me back here. Somehow, he used the excuse that it was still early, and he wanted to catch up in a more relaxed setting.

  To say dinner wasn’t fun would be a lie. Jake took me out to our favorite place when we were teenagers. The Downstairs Pub was always the place to go on the weekends because they served the best pizza and had a ton of arcade games. It also helped that it was within walking distance of my house. During a typical Colorado winter, the snow accumulates quickly. Having grown up in a skiers’ town, nothing closed, but that didn’t mean we didn’t get cabin fever. The Downstairs Pub stayed open regardless of the conditions.

  Those were the good times.

  A smile creeps along my face as my feet move over toward the fireplace to see the framed pictures lined along the mantle. I tilt my head to catch a better angle away from the glare of the lights, and my heart stops at the image.

  I must have been no more than thirteen, but it was the first time Jake ever took me horseback riding. I remember the day as if it were yesterday. In the picture, Jake is adjusting the stirrups on my saddle as we stare at each other just smiling while I’m sitting on the horse and holding the reigns in my hands.

  “Jellie Bellie was always your favorite horse.” Jake’s deep voice breaks my mind from recalling the memory.

  I didn’t hear him come up from the lower level. I turn to see him walking toward me from the kitchen, hitting a button on a remote that sits on the counter on his way. Suddenly, music filters through the surround sound speakers, and the soft voice of Ed Sheeran’s “I See Fire” stirs something inside me. Jake pops the caps off the beer bottles, tossing them into the trash on his way. Within seconds, he is standing before me with his eyes never leaving me.

  I nervously push my hair behind my ear before he reaches out to hand me a local brewer’s pale ale. My eyes shift from Jake back to the pictures as I tilt my head back, taking a long pull from the bottle. I can feel his eyes still on me, and I know I need to keep him at a safe distance. After our little affair in the backyard the other day, I know if I let myself go like that again, I won’t stop.

  Especially with Jake. Something tells me he knows I’d never say no.

  Not that I ever had any problem saying no before. Just look at where that got me. I ended up sleeping with my best friend’s convict ex-boyfriend who turned out to be even more dangerous than she imagined. It’s been two months since I’ve slept with anyone, and the scar on my neck is the daily reminder why I need to try to change my ways. Jake has been the one I’ve longed for in my heart and my bed since the day I left. If I let him in now, I know there will be more shit that I can’t fathom trying to handle.

  Attempting to change the direction of where I think Jake’s mind is headed tonight, I return my focus to the pictures on the mantle. “Jellie Bellie always was a big ham. He flirted with me more than you did that day. Always sticking his nose up my ass and pulling my shirt because he knew the carrots were in my pockets. I loved that horse.”

  “Yeah, he had moves I still hadn’t mastered yet with you back then.” Jake sets his beer onto the mantle before placing his hands around my waist, twisting me so I face him. “I’m still trying to figure out those moves now.”

  Closing my eyes before I tilt my head down, I let out a long breath. “Jake… please don’t,” I whisper.

  “Don’t fight it, Luce. There’s a reason why you came back here now,” Jake hints in a soft tone as his fingers trace over the scar on my neck.

  My eyes shoot open as I raise my head, taking a step back from his embrace. I look into his eyes, and I see the bewildered look behind them. What did I do wrong? It’s etched all over his face, and he has no idea what my life has been like the past couple of months.

  “You don’t get to assume why I came back here! You lost that right years ago when you wanted out.” I move back a few steps once I notice him trying to get closer to me. I hold up my hand between us, telling him to stop. “You stared at my face the last few hours, and yet not once did you ask how I got this scar on my neck. Not once, Jake!” I shout as anger starts to fuel inside me. Anger that I haven’t been able to release in months and it feels good.

  Jake takes a step back, rubbing his hands over his face and clearly unsure of how to handle my outburst.

  “What do you want me to say, Luce? You want me to say I’m sorry for being a fuckin’ idiot back then? Well, I’m sorry. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I let you go. There, are you happy now? I said it! I fuckin’ loved you then, and I have loved you every day since you left.”

  No. He can’t possibly still love me. I can’t begin to process any of this right now. I turn around and wrap my arms around myself. Suddenly, I don’t want to be around him anymore. I feel as though I’m suffocating and need air.

  My eyes scan the room, and I see the French doors that open to the back deck. I feel Jake’s hands on my shoulders, and I push forward to the doors out of his grasp.

  “Lucy.” Jake’s pleading voice sounds behind me.

  My hands find the brass handles, and I push down, opening the heavy doors. The cool night air hits my face, and I can breathe again. I quickly step outside and search the clear night sky for some guidance. I take a deep, calming breath before I shut my eyes to feel the gentle summer breeze against my face as I get all my thoughts in order.

  Not once during dinner with Jake did we talk about anything outside of simple stuff. I found it odd that he asked most of the questions, never once allowing me to ask him anything. I never touched upon the last few months of my life. I openly talked about my roller derby roommates, whom I love just as much as my family, and also my successful career as a hair and makeup artist at an upscale salon and day spa back home. I avoided discussing the actual reason for bringing me back here with him. He was close to asking that question as his eyes narrowed in on my neck just as I caught myself nearly bringing up Sam’s ex-boyfriend, Stone.

  Fate seemed to play a helping hand in getting me out of that conversation. Someone Jake knew showed up at the restaurant, ultimately saving me from having to explain everything. After Jake introduced his friend from the fire department to me, the guy took off, leaving us to finish our meal. It was then that I used the excuse that I wasn’t able to eat another bite, and we left and eventually ended up at his house.

  A strong arm wraps around my waist from behind, reminding me that I’m not alone. Jake’s face nuzzles around the crook of my neck, and I’m torn inside. I can’t give in to my desires regardless of how many times images of him filtered through my head with other guys in my bed.

  “Lucy, talk to me,” Jake whispers as his lips linger over my ear. The warmth of his breath sends chills down my spine. “Tell me you feel the same thing I feel right now. I know I didn’t dream up the other day in your backyard.”

  I step away from him, walking closer to the railing as I try to keep my head in check over my heart. Most people get over their ex-boyfriends, but not me. No, my body wants to get under him. My eyes squeeze shut, trying to block out the image of our naked bodies writhing together in bed.

  Don’t go there, Lucy.

  I turn around and see Jake’s bod
y illuminated by the dusky sky. His face is darkened, but I can still make out his profile. He shortens the distance between us, and I know I need to get out of this situation before it goes too far. I know Jake isn’t another Stone. I would most likely trust him with my life if I needed to; I just don’t trust him with my heart right now.

  I move away, trying to keep the space between us. I attempt to make my way back into the house, but Jake’s arm sneaks out, and his hand wraps around my wrist. Not knowing why, I jerk back my hand. “Jake, no! I can’t do this with you right now. Just take me home, please.”

  I rush into the house to find my flip-flops. I don’t bother turning around when I hear the French doors shut to know Jake is quickly on my heels.

  “Lucy, what the hell is going on? Why are you trying to avoid getting close to me now?” He moves to turn off the music that has begun to overpower the living room. A different version of “Careless Whisper” is suddenly too loud for us to hear each other think.

  I stand, staring back at the picture on the mantel that started this entire thing. I walk over to it, grabbing it and softly running my thumb over the glass. As I’m looking at the two teenagers in the picture, I realize we’re no longer the same people we once were. Sure, we’re still physically attracted to each other even after all this time, but we’ve been through more apart than we have together.

  “Jake.” I point to the picture in front of me. “You need to understand something. These two people in this picture… they were just crazy teenagers. We might have been in love when we graduated, but people change. I’ve changed, and so have you. We’re not the same as we once were.”

  Jake clasps his fingers together around the back of his neck, letting out a long sigh as his head squeezes between his forearms. His fingers release, and his arms lower to open as if he were going to hug me, except I know he’s not about to welcome me in his embrace. “Luce, I don’t give a shit what we were. What matters is right now and how we feel at this moment. If you still feel anything for me, why fight it now?”

  “Whether things happen between us now, you have to understand the result will still be the same as it was eight years ago. I’m still leaving here and heading back home to Massachusetts.” I put the picture back onto the mantel and turn to him. “I can honestly say I never stopped loving you, Jake, but for me to be able to go home, I need to have my head on straight and to get over what happened to me. I can’t add you to my list of issues right now, as much as it hurts to say that. We have to figure out how to move on from this obsession we have with each other.”

  His eyes widen, and I almost see red in them. Before he has a chance to speak, my cell phone rings. As I pull it from my clutch on the coffee table, I see the name on the caller ID. Without hesitation or even regard for Jake, I slide my finger across the screen and answer instantly.

  Jake throws his arms up into the air and stalks into the kitchen, obviously understanding he isn’t going to talk this one out any further. I bring my attention back to who is on the other end of the phone line.

  “Sam. Oh my God, it’s so good to hear your voice.” Just hearing my best friend’s voice elates me. I miss her more than I thought possible. She’s my other half, my rock. Ellen might be my sister by blood, but Sam is without a doubt the one chick I cannot live without.

  I see Jake in the kitchen, leaning over the granite island with a beer between his hands. His head hangs in defeat, and uncertainty is displayed over his face. As I continue to exultantly speak to Sam, my heart breaks for Jake, because I know he’s being honest with me when he says he still loves me. I keep telling myself I can’t let him in, but seeing him like this after spending one night with me, I know we need to have some kind of closure between us that never happened years ago. And I know the worst part of that closure will require spending some of my time here with him. There has always been that haunting fear in my mind that has kept me away from home all these years. Now that I’m back, I’m almost positive leaving this town this time around will be ten times harder than it was for me after we broke up in high school. This time when I leave, it will be with the understanding that we’ve settled everything there is between us, and it is time for both of us to move on with our lives. It scares me now to think what will happen once I leave. Who knows, maybe Jake is the therapy I need in order to move on from everything I just went through as well. I also know that I won’t be able to let Jake go from my mind overnight. Even if he is the one to help heal me, he can’t repair the hole that will be left in my heart once he’s gone from it for good.

  Karma is really a bitch!

  Lucy continues to talk on her cell phone with whom I can only assume is her best friend, Sam. I’ve stayed in the kitchen, sipping on my beer and trying to keep my opinions to myself. She’s trying to push me away and has openly admitted she won’t be staying here in Breckenridge after this summer. I’m completely at a loss as to what to do with her. One minute she allows me back in her heart, and I see how much she wants us, and then the next, she’s this sassy, feisty chick not allowing anything to penetrate her walls.

  I need to finally ask her to break her silence on what really happened to her. I know I need to tell her how much my life has sucked since she left. The uncontrollable drinking after Dad died, the number of women I screwed just to get her out of my head, and let’s not forget my biggest problem right now… I’m still fuckin’ in love with her after all these years.

  I take another long pull from the beer bottle in front of me before sliding it across the countertop. A scratching sound from the back bedroom interrupts my eavesdropping and perpetual thoughts of the situation with Lucy.

  Shit. Summit.

  I walk down the hall out of hearing range from Lucy and open up what is now my master bedroom door. This used to be Mom’s room until she moved out years ago. After some minor changes, I’ve transformed it into my own sanctuary. Apparently, it wasn’t all that relaxing for my three-year-old Golden Retriever, Summit.

  The big ball of energetic fur has scratched her way out of the room and is walking down the hall with her toy duck dangling from her mouth. Suddenly, she freezes in the hallway, listening to the unfamiliar sound.

  “Summit, come here,” I say sternly, knowing she hears Lucy moving around in the living room.

  It’s like watching what’s about to happen next in slow motion. As I start to shut the bedroom door behind me, the duck falls from her mouth to the floor, and her ears focus on the new voice in the other room.

  “Summit, no!” I snarl as her paws burn out on the wooden floor, and I move without hesitation in her direction. A wail from the living room tells me Summit outran me. Nothing could prepare me for what I come across as my eyes catch a furry tail wagging haphazardly in the air just beyond the sofa.

  As I round the corner, I see Lucy lying on her back. Her dress is twisted around her waist as Summit jumps all over her. I quickly come to Lucy’s aid, pulling Summit by the collar off her so my woolly companion understands not to be so rambunctious with guests. Mom always said I should have put that dog through puppy training. I never did since I typically only have the guys over from time to time to watch football games on Sunday afternoons. Most of the time, I basically live with the guys at work, so I enjoy my time alone in the house anyway. All the random hookups I’ve had over the years, I never brought back here. Not when the girl lying on the floor in front of me holds too many of those memories for me under this roof. She was my first in so many freakin’ ways it wasn’t funny. First love, first kiss, and first sexual experience. You name it; she was there with me for each one.

  Lucy lies there adjusting her dress and hair before attempting to stand. She continues to smile and laugh while petting Summit’s head. I reach over to help her get to her feet, but when our hands connect, something jolts through me and she shoots me a look that tells me she felt it, too. Her eyes move quickly to Summit as I pull her up off the floor.

  “So, whom may I ask is this wicked cute barrel of fur?” Lucy
asks in a baby voice, bending down to rub behind Summit’s ears as she tries to give Lucy her paw.

  “This is Summit. Seems as though you two already technically met, but she’s been my best girl for the last three years around here. Wait. Did you just say ‘wicked’?”

  With a slight head tilt and a questioning glance at me from her crouched position near Summit’s head, my question finally registers, and Lucy chuckles softy. “Well, I guess I did just say ‘wicked.’”

  “See. Now that… that right there is an indication of why you can never go back East. You’ve picked up that crazy ass Boston slang shit.”

  Lucy rights herself on her feet and walks slowly in my direction. She gradually crosses her arms over her chest when she stops a foot in front of me. I gaze down into her bright blue eyes. Her five-foot-seven frame does nothing to intimidate me as she starts to tap her bare foot against the hardwood floor. I’m six-foot-one and nothing but solid muscle. I battle fires and handle horses for a living. Lucy is not a physical match for me, but those big blue eyes have the power to bring me to my knees and make me a puddle of water.

  “You want to know what else I picked up while I was on the East Coast? I didn’t get the derby nickname Juicy Lucy for nothing, you know. I’ll have you know it took a team of derby girls to knock all the ‘y’alls’ and shit kickin’ Colorado slang out of me. The only way I learned to speak the proper New England way was by hazing. If I so much as said ‘y’all,’ ‘howdy,’ or ‘fixin,’’ I had to eat a burger for each time I was caught. After a week on the team, I had eaten at least fifteen burgers after practice and learned my lesson quickly.”

  “You always did love to eat a lot of meat—” I taunt her and move a little closer, but her fisted hand lands on my shoulder before I finish my statement. “Get your mind out of the gutter, Luce.” I laugh at her as I tenderly rub the place she just punched with her fist. “If you remember correctly, we used to have a ton of barbeques out at the ranch when we were growing up.”