Burning Barriers (Barriers Series Book 3) Page 6

  I watch as her face drops when it’s apparent she suddenly remembers it was my dad who always said she ate more than the horses on the ranch.

  “Jake,” she says in a quiet voice as she picks at a loose string on her sundress. “I should have come back when I heard about his passing.” She closes her eyes and lowers her head. “I was still so upset with how you ended things that once I made it to Massachusetts, I didn’t want to come back, ever. Then, Mom called and told me the news. I know now that I made the wrong decision. I’m so sorry. I should have come home for you.”

  I can remember just how much pain I was in and what the end result was of her never coming home when she did. There were so many girls that never came close to being anything like Lucy. Then, there’s the booze bender I’d managed to get caught up in. She can never find out how desperately I needed her to come home after Dad died. SJ was there to pick up the pieces day after day, but it wasn’t until he found out about the first girl I screwed while I was in this state of mind. Laurel. God, it was the dumbest decision I made back then. I remember downing a bottle of locally distilled whiskey in the barn that night as she tried to comfort me, knowing my dad had just died. It should have been Lucy there. I thought it was Lucy there after drinking as much as I did. All I could envision was Lucy’s hands rubbing my back and her lips tenderly kissing my lips. I never gave it a second thought. It’s even worse than letting Lucy go. I’ve had to live with Laurel’s advances all these years Lucy has been away.

  That morning after, waking up and seeing Laurel sleeping next to me naked in the barn, I knew I needed to distance myself from the ranch. Fortunately, the local fire department was due to start hiring soon, but that meant I needed to get my mind off all that I’d lost in the course of a summer, and SJ was there to help me when I needed him the most. He was there getting me into shape for the physical testing the fire department would put me through. When I passed, I had found something to keep my mind off the booze and the losses. Sadly, it didn’t stop me from trying to fill the void that Lucy left with tons of random hookups.

  Laurel was persistent to say the least. She whined and called day after day to try to get me to somehow agree that we were supposed to be together until she did something she thought would make me jealous and fight for her. She hooked up with SJ, and well, that little faux relationship continues to this day simply because both families come from money and prestige. Laurel’s plan backfired on her. It doesn’t mean she still doesn’t try to get me to see her side of the story, though. She does. I just don’t listen anymore.

  Laurel was always the thorn in Lucy’s side when we were at the ranch. She never had any reservations about flirting with me in front of Lucy. She came from money and had beauty and confidence on her side. I could always see the desire in Lucy’s eyes to want a little piece of what Laurel had. Laurel always had some excuse to try to get me to pay her more attention than Lucy. Until that drunken night in the barn, Laurel could never get her claws in deep enough. Because she did, she still thinks she has the rights to me after all this time.

  That is why I’m praying that Laurel doesn’t try to pull her typical rich bitch attitude if she runs into Lucy. Breckenridge is a small town, and SJ tends to have a big mouth. She’ll find out soon enough, if not already, that Lucy is here. And when she does, Laurel will have no problem trying to sink her claws into Lucy.

  Lucy continues to play with the string on her sundress when I reach out and lift her lowered chin with my finger. My eyes search hers for acceptance of our pasts. “Look at me, Luce.” Glistening with wetness, her eyes slowly open and gaze back at me. “We can’t change what happened then, and who the hell knows if you and I would be standing here now like this if you had never left. What matters now is that we live this day like it’s our last because tomorrow might not be here. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from years at the fire department, it’s that second chances may never come back. You get what I’m saying, Luce?”

  Summit starts to grow anxious and scratches at the back door, ultimately breaking the connection Lucy and I just shared. I tentatively back away from her as her eyes strain to think through something in her head. Staring into space, she doesn’t focus on anything. I watch her out of the corner of my eyes while Summit follows me to the back door. The minute I pull the screen to the back patio door closed, Lucy glances up in my direction.

  “Jake, I need to tell you why I had to come home,” she timidly suggests as she sits on the leather ottoman in front of the sofa. I nod and walk back in her direction. She pulls the front of her denim jacket shut and rubs her hands over her arms. I head toward the fireplace, grabbing a few small logs and the automatic lighter to get the fire rolling. I’m hoping that having it on not only warms her body but also eases her nerves as to what I know is possibly a difficult story to tell.

  The flickering of the flames keeps her attention at the moment as I grab the empty beer bottle I left on the mantle earlier. Heading to the kitchen to toss it into the trash, I hear Lucy clear her throat.

  “Jake, I don’t suppose you have anything stronger than beer I can drink. Do you?”

  If she only knew that story. Another time and place for that.

  I shake my head because I know if she remembers the house at all, then she’ll recall my dad’s liquor cabinet that used to be in the family room downstairs. Luce and I slipped in there one night when she sneaked out of her house to see me, and we raided the bar, thinking we were “so cool”. When Dad found us passed out there the next morning with the empty bottle of vodka, we paid the price dearly. Our punishment consisted of one week of cleaning out the horse stalls after school and taking the horses through simple runs around barrels.

  I can laugh now because I know my dad was probably doing the exact same thing when he was that age, but after he died, that room held a lot of painful memories for me. SJ and I stripped it apart after I had my drinking under control and turned it into an exercise room instead. The old wooden bar is still down there, but only because it’s a piece of Dad. Instead of booze, it now holds water and energy drinks. No more hard liquor.

  “Jake? Are you all right?” Her concerned voice sounds again from the living room.

  With my hands gripping the kitchen counter, I look up at Lucy and realize I must have zoned out for a little too long. She walks over to the back door where Summit impatiently waits to come back inside. Lucy opens the door as Summit scurries inside and immediately lies in front of the fireplace on her bed.

  “I have some wine, but no hard stuff. Sorry,” I explain, suddenly feeling as though my past has to be laid out on the table as well.

  “Wine works for me,” Lucy says as she strips off her jacket before sitting on the ottoman again, pulling her bare feet under her body and sitting Indian style, but making sure her dress covers her legs. I grab the white wine bottle from the chiller under the kitchen island and a glass from the shelf before walking in her direction. Lucy’s eyes focus on the single glass in my hand. “You might want to consider grabbing another glass for yourself,” she suggests. “What I’m about to tell you is not going to be easy to hear.”

  Warm blankets engulf me as the sound of tapping rain breaks me from my sleep. I stretch my legs and push myself further into the soft pillow-like mattress. I hear the faint sounds of pots and pans clanging together, and my eyes sluggishly open. I scan the room, only to realize I’m not in my bed at my parents’ house.

  The natural wooden beams that stretch across the cathedral ceiling float above me. My eyes follow the length all the way across to the stone fireplace that sits in the corner of the room along the wall-to-wall glass windows. Raindrops drip along the panes, never giving me a clear view of the outside to show me where I am.

  While pulling the blankets further up over my chin, I wonder how the hell I managed to get here. Oh God. I’m in Jake’s parents’ old bedroom. My mind quickly tries to recall the events that could have led me here.

  More clattering sounds from the partiall
y open door on the other side of the room. How did I manage to get myself into this situation? Please, don’t tell me I slept with Jake last night. Wait. No, that’s not even possible. I would remember that as plain as day, unless my mind isn’t what it used to be, or even worse, Jake’s bedroom skills aren’t as good. I giggle softly to myself. That’s certainly not possible either. After kissing him the other day at my parents’ house, I know he’s still got the moves that can make my body melt and my mind never forget.

  All of a sudden, the bedroom door pushes open gently, and I hear the jingling of metal but can’t see anyone in the room. The clinking continues for a few seconds before a snort sounds from the end of the bed, and I’m curious as to what is in the room with me until a giant ball of fur jumps on top of my legs and settles onto the comforter. Summit.

  “Hi, girl, are you supposed to be up here?” I whisper just loud enough for her head to raise and cock to the side. Her big eyes give me a look that asks ‘why are you in my bed?’ I sit up slowly as I go to pet her head, and fortunately, I see that I’m wearing clothing, but definitely not my clothes. Oversized flannel pants cover my legs, along with a long-sleeved University of Colorado T-shirt.

  As I scratch Summit’s ears, I recollect some of last night’s events before I apparently landed myself in this bed. As Jake brought over the bottle of wine, I remember telling him that he really ought to consider sitting for what he was about to hear.

  Jake poured the wine for both of us, and as I very distastefully chugged back the entire first glass, he reached forward and handed me his still full glass. “Here,” he said. “From the looks of it, I’m going to want to save drinking anything more until after you tell me what you’re about to say.” As he reached out and tenderly placed his hand upon my bare knee, electricity shot through my body. “Luce, I know for you to have come back here after all this time, it must be worse than anything I could ever imagine. Call me an insensitive asshole, but I’m glad you needed to finally return.”

  Jake’s eyes silently told me more than words that he needed me to come home, as though he wasn’t fully living his own life without me here. The two of us together had the ability to heal all wounds and light the flame that gave us a reason to smile and laugh again. Only now I wondered just how deep his hurt must have gone when I could only think about myself all these years. I knew how stupid I was to never come home sooner.

  I reached out my free hand and lightly wrapped my fingers around his, squeezing softly so he realized no matter how much time had passed, we still had the ability to understand each other’s emotions.

  I let out a long breath before shutting my eyes as all the images from that horrific night flashed through my mind. I heard Sam’s voice as she told me things happened for a reason, and if what we went through brought me back here and back to Jake, then I shouldn’t question it. After finally telling her about my history with Jake the other night, she understood my hesitation at first, but resolved to see where letting everything go led me.

  As much as I wanted to keep my guard up with Jake, I knew I couldn’t. He’d been with me emotionally all these years, and as much as I pushed him away, I knew it was inevitable. He was my heart and soul, and he understood me more than anyone. He was my soul mate. Life just took a different direction in order for me to finally realize it.

  I stood and made my way over to sit next to him on the sofa, keeping my glass of wine upright as I nuzzled myself into his warm, protective body. I felt his heart begin to race as much as mine as he cleared his throat. I couldn’t have him looking at me as I told him how my obsession, if you will, with him all these years ultimately led me right into the palms of the man who tried to kill me. I couldn’t have him stare at the scar on my neck and think he was part of the reason for my pain.

  He wasn’t.

  “Jake, I don’t even know where to begin,” I whispered. His arm wrapped even tighter around my shoulder as my hands wiped the wet condensation off the side of the wine glass. I felt his chin turn in my direction and his lips affectionately kiss the top of my head. There was no lust or heated desire behind his kiss. He was proving quickly that we had lost nothing over the years. This was he and I at our best. “The first thing you should probably know is that when I left here after high school I never stopped fantasizing about you. I never stopped loving you despite how much pain and anger I felt toward you for what you did to me.”

  “Luce—” Jake murmured as he tried to explain his feelings at the time.

  “Jake, please, I just need to get through my side before you say anything more,” I interrupted as Jake’s hand pushed some of my hair to the side, and I felt his thumb glide over the back of my neck. The simple gesture calmed my nerves.

  “If I’m being one hundred percent honest with you, Jake, you need to know there hasn’t been a single guy I’ve slept with over the years that even compared to you. After talking to my therapist back East, I think I have come to realize that I slept with all those different guys because I was trying to hold on to what we had for so many years. Unfortunately, my lack of better judgment made me sleep with Sam’s ex-boyfriend who was in prison for three years for attempted murder. I didn’t have a clue what his name was or what he looked like at the time, so when I learned who he was I wanted to die. Little did I know Stone would be capable of nearly granting that wish a few weeks after I found out about him from Sam.”

  I stopped for a second to take an extra long sip of my white wine again, allowing the cool liquid to coat my scratchy throat. This time I decided I should probably pace myself a little bit. I already had some wine with dinner earlier and then the couple at Jake’s. My head wasn’t swimming yet, but with the altitude here, I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle my drinks as I could back home.

  My gaze lingered on the crackling fireplace in front of us as my lips parted from the rim of the wine glass. Running my tongue along the crease of my lips, I focused on how I should start the rest of my story. I had explained this to more than enough people since the night it happened. Why telling Jake had become one of the most difficult things to get out, I didn’t know. It was as though the moment I let it all go he’d see my wounds beyond my scar. It would be like I had let him back into my heart and body completely. He would know everything, and we would be even closer than ever.

  I knew he still hadn’t told me everything in his past, and eventually he probably would. Although I’m pretty sure nothing, and I mean nothing, could surmount what was about to leave my lips. I glanced back at my nearly empty glass of wine and returned it to my lips, tilting my head back to let the remainder of the cool fluid flow down my throat.

  Screw it. I leaned forward and grabbed the bottle of wine, carefully placing my empty glass onto the wooden tray that sat on top of the leather ottoman. I uncorked the bottle and looked back at Jake who curiously stared at me but didn’t judge. He only nodded.

  I raised the bottle and tipped my head to him. “Judgment-free zone?”

  “I’ve never judged you a day in your life, Luce, and I’m not going to start tonight. Chug away,” Jake casually stated as he leaned back further into the sofa.

  Bringing the rim of the bottle to my lips, I let it all go. As distastefully as that appeared, I needed to be completely relaxed in order to recall that night as Jake listened to every word. Within seconds, the bottle was empty, and I placed it beside my already empty glass on the tray.

  Sigh.

  “Jake, if there is one thing you need to know before I tell you this, it’s that I came back here because my parents thought I needed to ‘recover’ or something to that extent. I wasn’t fully on board with the idea, but I’m glad I finally came back. I just hate thinking it took nearly dying at the hands of a monster to do it.” My eyes began to gloss over and blur just as I felt a warm tear fall from the corner of my eye. I wiped it away with my finger and stood before Jake, pulling up my sundress slightly. I needed to look at Jake as I told this. I hadn’t needed anyone this badly since Sam and I recounted
that night before I left town.

  Jake eyed me suspiciously until I placed my bare knees upon either side of his legs as I lowered myself onto his lap. All sexual tendencies were gone; he knew me better than anyone. When we were kids, this was how I sought out comfort from him.

  He wrapped his arms around my waist, and his fingers rubbed along the small of my back. My head suddenly flooded with emotion, and I knew I was completely at ease. The wine clearly affected my emotions more than I thought possible, or just having to say all this out loud to Jake was causing more pain than I could imagine. Jake sat there, silently waiting for me to find my voice, and I knew I needed to do this.

  Shutting my eyes, I cleared my throat, and I was ready to recount the story of that night.

  “I won’t go into all the details, but if it weren’t for me constantly trying to find myself through sexual hookups, that night might never have happened. Or maybe it would have regardless. Stone was a monster looking for revenge on Sam, who put him in prison three years ago for nearly killing her. Somehow, he found her again and used me to get to her. I slept with him twice before I even knew his true identity. Then, after a month of him going under the radar, the police didn’t have any leads to his whereabouts.

  “I was alone at the house. Sam was out with Josh, and Kim and Rose were on tour with the derby team. When the doorbell rang, I never thought twice, and the second I opened the door, Stone stormed inside and pinned me to the wall. His hand was wrapped tightly around my neck as my hands struggled to pull it away enough to get air.

  “He repeatedly slammed my head into the wall before dragging me up the stairs to my bedroom. Stone was a force to be reckoned with. He was stronger than I thought and getting out of his grasp wasn’t an option. If he was going to hurt me, he could do so without even breaking a sweat.